Monday, September 20, 2010
Well on Friday we had The Woot's MRI...now we wait. The crazy thing was that the MRI went very well (in all terms really). Woot did very well, minimal tears and mom and dad did great--no tears! We got a dose of reality on the day as she was waking up after the test. In the bay next to us in Pediatric Sedation was a mom and her son. She began to tell the nurse a medical history and I overheard her talking about the 18 surgieries her son had had. I suddenly found my empathy that I thought I had lost in this past year of medical crap. I wanted to go hug her, and give her a medal. I wanted her to be given a miracle, not me. I began feeling thankfulness, not because someone might be more miserable than me, but because I could feel empathy for her in a way I never was able to access pre-Woot. She was so strong, so amazing. Is that me--am I strong and amazing too?? I guess I am. I am a better person, and my girl has no tubes, no holes that are not supposed to be there. All along I have been thinking "I should be thankful". I should be thankful for her beauty, her smile, her skin, her heart, her toes, her poop, her belly, her everything. And now--I feel it--I am thankful. We all have such gifts in our lives. My gift and other moms like me--our gifts are disguised and hidden. Hidden behind tubes and seizures, doctors and fears... we search, we greive, we pray, we love-- and on the other side is our child. The miracle that we were already given. Even if tubes and holes come into our future...we can search again and find the new gifts they will bring. They are not "special needs" kids, they are kids that need special moms! I am on my journey to find my specialness. I discovered a piece in that sedation unit thanks to a very special mom I may never see again and I never have spoken to, thank you!